


Tender Wounds

by smittenhufflepuff



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Heavy Angst, Hopeful Ending, Hurt, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Not Beta Read
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-17
Updated: 2018-02-17
Packaged: 2019-03-19 15:56:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13707744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smittenhufflepuff/pseuds/smittenhufflepuff
Summary: He felt like he needed a whole universe of space to fill it with everything that was happening in his head right now.//////////////////////////////Pidge dies on a mission. Matthew Holt mourns.





	Tender Wounds

**Author's Note:**

> THIS IS YOUR LAST WARNING:  
> This fic includes a very brief but many references to a major character death-Pidge. It deals with grief and mourning. A lot of crying and holding stuff in. If you can't deal with any sort of conversations on death or dying, do not read.

He held the glasses in his hands for the first time in years. Had it been years? It felt like it at least. He had spent too long away from any clock connected to earth time to guess anymore. Too far away from any human to ask. He could ask now if wanted, the other paladins are just a hallway away. Giving him space to mourn.

He felt like he needed a whole universe of space to fill it with everything that was happening in his head right now.

In the end, it was nobodies fault that Pidge had got caught in the blast. Everything was going perfectly to plan. Maybe that is why it hurt so much more. With nothing to blame, not even properly himself. Maybe he could blame himself. Wallow in the guilt of not being the one to take that job, to protect Pidge, to get there quick enough. An older sibling was to supposed to protect the younger one, right? They would have hated him saying that though. They also would have hated him for doing this. He put the glasses next to him at the thought of it.

His next step was to throw himself into work. Now might be the worse time to stop and think. If he can make sure everything goes smoothly now he doesn’t have to notice something is missing. The commander leaves the room, not before picking up the glasses and slipping them into a pocket. 

As he walks out and heads towards his ship he passes the people who live there. Coran and Allura are sat in silence, they haven’t spoke a word since they saw what happened. Allura had been so close, the closest to all of them. And she still hadn’t had time to save the green paladin. There was guilt in her eyes when she saw him. He wanted to take it away so badly, it was not hers to carry. 

Hunk and Lance were next. Shaking and sobbing on the floor, still in their armour. The commander hadn’t cried yet but he was close when he saw them. They had two of the biggest hearts he knew and now a piece had been taken from them. He wanted to put it back, stitch it back on and tell them it would get better. Because it had to, right?

Keith and Shiro were nowhere to be seen. The red paladin had been arguing and ready to fight as soon as he heard. He was worried for Keith, he would need the help of his friends. Hopefully Shiro was with him. It had hit the leader hard, nearly as hard as it hit the commander. They had made a promise to eachother when they were in the garrison, when it got too much and they needed a person to lean on. “My family is your family.” And it was true. Keith was a little brother to him as much as Pidge was a sibling to Shiro. The lives of the younger siblings rested heavy on the older ones.

Everyone in the room then turned to look at him expectantly. He was not sure what they expected. He apologised, assuming that was what they needed to hear. 

I’m sorry you lost a friend.  
I’m sorry I didn’t get there in time.

I’m sorry I didn’t save them.

I’m sorry it wasn’t me.

He needed to leave and he needed to leave now. The man had grown since being on that dreadful mission, long legs made for running. The commander got into his ship, becoming the pilot he wasn’t trained to be and left the palace ship. He heard someone call out his name but he ignored it. The comms crackled to life and he muted it. 

Not now, he thought. Not yet.

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

The commander was good with crying people. In the few times he had seen Keith, Lance and Hunk since the incident there had been tears. All from them mind you but he could deal with that. He reassured them that it was going to be okay. That it hurt right now but they would heal. Sometimes they would try to get him to talk but he found his way around those conversations. It was too tender and he didn’t want people to see him cry.

One of the only people he couldn’t deal with whilst they cried was Takashi Shirogane. It wasn’t that he hadn’t seen him cry before, it was that it was always heartbreaking. He didn’t sob and his voice was mostly steady. There was only a slight shake to him whilst a steady stream of tears flowed down his face. The commander had known the leader a long time but nothing would make this easier. 

They held each other and, for the first time since his sibling was caught in an explosion which shouldn’t have happened, the commander cried. He hiccuped his words, his heartbreak, into the larger mans arms. Everything has burning and loud and quiet and too much and too little. His breathing wasn’t coming out right and his heart was bursting out of his chest. Apologies spewed from his mouth in an endless stream, like they had been trapped inside all this time. He muttered their name when everything slowed in between fits of emotions. The leader just held on and cried, unmoving. 

The truth was everything hurt. It had been hurting this whole time and he didn’t let anyone see it. He tried to keep himself to himself but it was too much. Everything was too much. He felt like a child in adults clothing, just trying to play along. He felt so boyish in this moment too, being cradled and listened to gently. Everything was harsh to him. Every thorn was actually a knife. Every candle was actually a bonfire. Every trip was fall off a cliff. And it all hurt. It hurt. It really fucking hurt. 

“Matt?”  
“Mhm.”

“I know it hurts right now.”

The commander curled into himself now.

“But time heals all wounds, remember?”

The commander looked at the leader, eyes watery and more childlike than ever.

“I miss them.”

“I do to.”

“But they are not coming back.”

Silence slipped between them.

“It hurts, Shiro.”

“I know, Matt.”

“Stay?” It wasn’t just about staying for a little longer, or not letting go just for a night. It was a ‘please don’t go like they did. Stay alive, please.’ 

“Yes, Matt.”

Matthew Holt became an only child, a hole was left for another. He loved them more than anything. Always had and always would.  
Matthew knew it would hurt forever. That pain like this doesn’t really ever stop. But time does heal the tenderness of it. It scars over and that is how it is. It would hurt forever, but he would deal with it better. He would learn to live with a hole in his heart.

**Author's Note:**

> I warned you.  
> I actually got threatened by my mate after writing this because I made their partner cry. It is also 12:15am and I have an early morning. Good times.
> 
> If you are going through mourning my best advice would be to let people know. You don't have to go into detail but keeping it in is a really good way of making things worse. Just telling someone "Hey I lost a loved one and I'm in a really bad place right now." can help them to help you.
> 
>  
> 
> -Love, Smitten/Danny.
> 
> Edit: I got this prompt from a prompt list by @dichotomous_dragon so go check them out because this list fuels my angst


End file.
